i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
