Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
