It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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