tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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