I puked a lego.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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