Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
