i don't like sucking hair
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
