Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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