apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
