i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize