She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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