he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
