someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
