who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
