He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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