They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
