he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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