wat bout pragnant strippers??
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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