making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
