their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
