I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
