I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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