dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize