Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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