census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Your penis caused this!
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
