Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
