I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
