I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
being pregnant is like rehab
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
