I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
