my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
tell me about the eggs
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
