college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
