Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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