please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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