I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
