FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Randomize
