I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
