Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
