I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
