yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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