New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
