its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
