Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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