After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You pole danced in your parka.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
