please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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