we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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