need another drink. this is the easiest way
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
ok first of all what the fuck
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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