I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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