last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
