well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
