I'll bet she douches with gravy.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
