i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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