im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Randomize
