I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
her vagine was all disorganized.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
