walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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