It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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