So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
she looked like the before picture.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
