you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
