just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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