Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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