evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
