I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
This is the high leading the old right now
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
