Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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