my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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