I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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