Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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