dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
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