i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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