New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
