what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i dont even know how to be here
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
