Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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