Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize