Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
