So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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