i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
